


Mendel Loves Earth

by emit98



Category: Falsettos - Lapine/Finn
Genre: Dirt - Freeform, NSFW, Other, Read at Your Own Risk, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-30
Updated: 2017-01-30
Packaged: 2018-09-20 22:13:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9518297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emit98/pseuds/emit98
Summary: Mendel takes advantage of some alone time to fulfill a lifelong dream. Consequences and hilarity ensure when Trina finds out about his love of dirt.





	

Mendel loved dirt. He loved the earthy smell, he loved the grainy texture against his flesh, but mostly, he loved how it tasted. It was not a good taste, per se. It was definitely an acquired taste that few would dare to acquire.

One of the benefits to being single was that Mendel was free to do whatever he wanted with dirt whenever he wanted. He could lay in it. He could eat handfuls of it like a starving child. He could just hold it to his face and smell it. The reason why he never married was because he loved dirt so much. That was the one downside to being married to Trina. She didn’t know about his love for the earthy substance. Trina was worth giving up his free reign of the dirt, though.

That did not mean Mendel did not take advantage of every opportunity to do what he wanted with the dirt. He took care of all the lawn work, including starting a garden in the backyard, just so he could be closer to the dirt. He wore his beloved crocs when gardening, and he kept them in the bathroom so he could sneak away to smell the dirt whenever he needed a pick-me-up.

It was a nice spring day when Mendel was home alone that he fulfilled his lifelong dream. He had figured a while ago that the earth was covered in dirt, and that in a way, all the dirt is connected. So, his goal was to dig a tiny hole, the same width and length as his penis. Then, he would shove his penis into the dirt and thrust, thus fucking the entire earth. He also longed to feel the feeling of the entire earth wrapped around his penis. He fantasized about it too many times when having his marital relations with Trina, and it made him cum almost immediately every single time. It was better than thinking about a lover of the same sex, Mendel would tell himself.

He woke up the morning after Trina and Jason went out of town to visit Trina’s mother. The house was completely empty, and Mendel had a throbbing erection in his pants. He got out of bed and went to take a cold shower; he wanted his relations with the dirt to last as long as possible. After his initial morning wood had died down, he got dressed in jean shorts, a t-shirt, and his dirty old crocs and went outside. The sun was shining and the ground had that warm smell it gets when the sun is shining really brightly on it for a long period of time. As Mendel took in the smell, another erection started to brew in his jean shorts. He grinned and got down on his knees with one of those tiny shovel things gardeners use. He then decided to make the hole with his own body. Mendel pushed the grass to expose a patch of dirt underneath it. This was so going to make the patch grow, but it was so, so worth it. He poked an entry hole with his finger. Then, Mendel looked around to make sure none of the neighbors were outside. They were not. He proceeded to unbutton and unzip his jean shorts, and then he pulled out his erect penis. He positioned his crotch so that the head of his penis was touching the hole. Mendel bit down on his lip as he thrusted his hips. The hole got deeper as he thrusted harder, and waves of pleasure surged through his body.

This was not like any woman Mendel had ever been with. It was like receiving a blowjob from Jesus himself. Mendel buried his face in the grass as he thrusted harder and harder. The smell of dirt mixed with the pleasure of it on his penis was almost too much, but he focused with all his might on not coming quite yet. Soon, Mendel’s testicles were slapping against the ground and he was making uncontrollable noises. Then, with a loud grunt, he ejaculated into the hole on the ground. Mendel pulled his penis out and then smiled in satisfaction at the hole of semen. He covered it with the misplaced dirt so Trina would not discover it. 

Over the course of that weekend, Mendel had sex with the ground over a dozen times, each time burying the semen so Trina would not find out. By the time he got the call from Trina that they were leaving her mother’s house, Mendel’s cock was sore and covered in a gross muddy semen-y mixture. Mendel went to the shower and scraped some off with his finger and then ate it before letting the water wash the rest away. As far as Trina and Jason knew, nothing odd had happened over the weekend and no dirt was fucked by Mendel.

Weeks passed, and Mendel still felt on top of the world. He kept thinking about the dirt, and how amazing it felt. Then, one afternoon, he was doing his usual yardwork when he noticed something strange. There were some odd plants growing, and not in the garden. They were sprouting out of the grass, and were taller and thicker than the blades. Mendel proceeded with the lawn mower anyways, but the plants were still there. He thought nothing of it. 

More time passed. The plants grew bigger. 

“Mendel, did you plant something in the yard?” Trina asked. 

“No,” Mendel replied, shaking his head. However, he was starting to get a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach. Was it possible…? No, it wasn’t possible! “It must be some sort of weird seeds that flew in from somewhere.”

“Well, you should pull them out. They could really damage the lawn!” Trina replied. 

Yeah, Mendel thought to himself, I should have pulled out. 

The plants soon branched leaves, and some sort of little fruit began budding as well. Mendel could not bring himself to tear out the plants. Besides, they seemed pretty sturdy. They survived pesticides, the lawn mower, and hedge clippers did nothing to them. Mendel was sure that there was nothing he could do to remove the plants.

The little fruit on the plants gradually got bigger. To Mendel’s dismay, they looked like they were shaped like heads. Their color was an odd mixture of green and a pale flesh tone, like the kind one sees on white people. There were little holes that looked almost like eyes, nostrils, ears, and a mouth if Mendel looked at it closely enough. 

A strange sort of vegetation began growing on the top of the plants. It was almost like hair. Dark, curly hair. The green was also starting to fade away, and the areas around the “nostril” and “ear” holes were starting to extrude from the plant. Mendel could hardly bring himself to look Trina in the eye. 

The day the fruits started crying was the day Mendel sat Trina down to confess to her.

“Trina…” He said. “I-I have something I need to tell you.”

“What is it?” Trina asked, concern in her eyes. “You’re not gay, are you?”

“No, no!” Mendel replied. “I’m not. I love you so much, honey. But… There’s something else I love more… Dirt.”

“Dirt?” Trina frowned in confusion. “Mendel, what the fuck are you talking about?”

“I love dirt!” Mendel said, his voice raising. Trina flinched, and Mendel sighed to calm himself down. “Sorry…” He whispered. “I… I kind of had sex… With the dirt when you and Jason were at your mom’s.”

“What do you mean you had sex with the dirt?!?” Trina demanded.

“I mean I put a hole in the dirt and put my penis into it,” Mendel replied. “I did it… A few times…”

“A few times?” Trina asked. “Mendel, there are a dozen plants out there!”

“I know, I’m so sorry,” Mendel said. “I can take care of it, I swear.”

“I don’t know what to say,” Trina said. “This is so ridiculous. Why can’t I marry a man who isn’t gay or in love with dirt? Is it so bad to want to be the only thing a man loves?”

“I do love you!” Mendel said. “I love you so much, Trina! It IS possible to love more than one thing!”

“But dirt?” Trina asked. “Dirt, Mendel? What does that say about me? Are you saying I’m dirt?”

“No, of course not!” Mendel replied. “You’re a beautiful woman, Trina, and I hope we can get through this! I didn’t even know dirt could get pregnant!”

“I didn’t either, so I’ll let it slide this time,” Trina said with a small sigh. “But if anything like this ever happens again, I’m leaving you.”

“It’s a deal,” Mendel said.

The next morning, Mendel, Trina, and Jason woke up to the plants outside crying, the way newborn babies cry when they’re born. Mendel was the one who ventured outside first. The fruits now had full naked bodies, and their faces were fully formed. Each one was a perfect mini replica of Mendel. Mendel kneeled down next to one of the plants, and he could not help the smile on his face. These were his children. These were the babies he made with the dirt, even though the babies looked exactly like tiny naked versions of him as an adult. 

The fruit babies kept growing and growing. Every day, Mendel went outside to feed them all. Each of the twelve plants bore two babies, and each one had a name: Aendel, Bendel, Cendel, Dendel, Endel, Fendel, Gendel, Hendel, Iendel, Jendel, Kendel, Lendel, Nendel, Pendel, Quendel, Rendel, Sendel, Tendel, Uendel, Vendel, Wendel, Xendel, Yendel, and Zendel. Mendel loved all 24 of his dirt babies. 

Eventually, all the fruit babies were the same size as their father. Each one fell off the plants. It was rather terrifying, and it was impossible to tell the difference between the real Mendel and the plant Mendels. Except for Vendel, whose ear was eaten off by a deer. As for the rest, Trina made each one wear a nametag at all times. She hated having so many Mendels in her house, but it made Mendel happy and he was taking care of all of them all by himself. He fed them, bathed them, dressed them in jean shorts and crocs, and read them bedtime stories before they went to sleep. He was as happy as happy could be with the new, expanded tight-knit family.

Soon, the Mendel plants started turning wrinkly and their hair started turning gray. Mendel was devastated when he realized what was happening. His children were all growing old at a fast rate, because they were plants. He tried everything: extra water, extra food, turning up the air conditioning to make them cold. Nothing worked, and soon, the first death came. Rendel was the first to go. Mendel dragged the body outside and held a funeral. During the funeral, Sendel, Nendel, Bendel, and Endel all passed away as well. At this point, Trina locked the doors to get into the house. She did not want twenty-four versions of her husband dying right in front of her. 

Mendel sat outside with his children, hugging them and telling them how much he loved them as they all slowly died. Yendel’s arm somehow fell off. Inside, instead of bone and blood, there was a brown plant matter and seeds.

Unsure what to do with the bodies once all the fruit children died, Mendel left them there. They soon started to rot, and Trina made him bury them. Mendel did so, sobbing as he put each one in the giant group grave. 

Days later, Mendel woke up to see hundreds of plants growing in the backyard. He grinned and woke up Trina to tell her. Trina immediately went outside and tore up each and every one, and threw them all into the trash can. Mendel was upset, but he understood why Trina was doing it.

Mendel’s relationship with dirt was never the same after that. He still enjoyed the smell and the taste, but to a lesser degree. His lust for it was completely gone. He, Trina, and Jason lived happily ever after with no more weird fruit babies.


End file.
